I don’t know what caused my latest flare up, but once it starts it's a spiralling cycle of feeling dreadful, then feeling better, then a sudden urge to stay close to the bathroom, and then the inevitable hopelessness in knowing that you have little control over what happens when you’re away from your home unless you starve yourself. This is what living with IBD looks like…..
It's a common feeling when you've been preparing for so long for something so big. The crash that comes after the event. It comes regardless of whether you were triumphant, or things didn't go to plan. The success of the event is just a volume button really to the emptiness that is invariably felt once the euphoria (or disappointment) wears off.
2020 is an odd one.
"Happy New Decade - this one's going to count!"
I for one certainly had big plans. I had plans for starting up a business that would see me happily working through to retirement, I was writing a book, and I had big biking dreams. Yep - 2020 was the year that it was all going to start happening.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be good at something. When I say good I mean really good. I've wondered what it would be like to be one of life's winners, as that's never been me.
Today is the day I sail to the Netherlands, for the biggest ride of my life.....except it’s not. No passenger ships are sailing, there is no race in the Netherlands or anywhere. I thought I was ok with this.....
Unless you've had your head in a bucket of sand, there's no escaping the current global situation. From a sporting perspective, most of this year's events have either been cancelled or postponed. There's still no guarantee that even the postponed events or those scheduled for later in the year will go ahead since we just don't know how any easing of restrictions will take effect, and whether groups that are part of the sporting experience will be permitted to gather. Whether you are a follower or a participant in your chosen sport, this is an uncertain time and that IS a certainty!
Now that's the gloomy news over, but I'm determined that this post today will be an upbeat and helpful one.