Today is the day I sail to the Netherlands, for the biggest ride of my life…..except it’s not.
No passenger ships are sailing, there is no race in the Netherlands or anywhere.
I thought I was ok with this, the fact that it was postponed until August, meant that I had more time to get some long miles in, assuming of course we are allowed to.
But it seems that I’m not OK. There is an emptiness inside, that I can’t quite fill.
I didn’t expect to feel like this, I’m normally the one that looks on the bright side, finds an upside for every obstacle, and yet now, I can’t apply that cheeriness to myself.
I am missing the adrenaline and excitement that comes before an event, the build up of packing and repacking before getting on my way. I love meeting new people, but they too are probably sitting at home feeling the same as I do.
The Netherlands race may or may not happen in August, only time will tell. So to keep me motivated I cooked up another idea in the UK later in the year. It keeps me training, but even this doesn’t fill the emptiness, because until I know for certain whether or not I will be riding in The Netherlands, planning for an alternative 2 weeks later seems really odd.
Yesterday I went out for another training ride, but my head and my heart wasn’t in it. So I just sat staring at the sea. This was my Facebook post (the music is particularly good)…
Today I rode alone, again.
From choice, on long distance events I ride alone…but, in ordinary times I can chat to people along the way, stop for coffee or lunch. I ride solo, but I’m not alone.
But this, this is different. This time I ride alone, surrounded by people that I can’t go near. No friends to enjoy the ride with, no coffee and cake, no long distance, no hugs on greeting.
I love riding, but I love my friends and their families being safe more, and so I will carry on riding alone, and feeling alone.
This will pass, I know it will. And hopefully all those that I know and love will still be here to enjoy the ride with me once more.
Stay safe everyone.
Riding solo is a choice for me. Normally I love a bit of solitude. Even now, in these times, I walk the streets at night, looking for the most peaceful place. I like to be alone with my thoughts, but during the day I miss the chatter. The people in my life make it what it is. They make me laugh, they make me think. We compare our minor moans and groans, and help each other out when we need to. But right now, today, they are not here. A snatched message here and there just doesn’t seem the same.
I know that this situation is necessary in the fight against this global illness, and I do not complain that things have had to change. This will ultimately saves lives.
But, right now, even the tough can feel weak. We all have our vulnerabilities, this seems to be mine.